Afraid
by cece1090
Summary: He could never love you the way you love him.  He can never see you the way you see him, because you're half vampire,because he was always afraid of you. Rated M for borderline gore.


Disclaimer: I own nothing of Twilight.

This story is rated M for borderline gore.

* * *

You feel yourself being carried in a pair of cold arms and a woman's sweet voice cooing you to a soft slumber. The world is bright and harsh and screaming is heard from somewhere by a voice you know all too well just not sure who. The woman holding you is unfamiliar to you and you long to be carried by someone else.

The screams from a distant become louder and shouting is heard along with the harsh steps of someone walking. The walking increases till you hear it coming faster and faster and the intensity of it all is starting to scare you, like you already know something isn't right. Your eyes become strangely alert to everything around you but the woman holding you seems oblivious to what you are feeling.

Suddenly the door swings open and a large man with brown russet skin with blazing eyes barrels through the door. You are very afraid because you know this man wants to hurt you so you start to thrash in the woman's arms. She now becomes acutely aware of what is going on and you hear a snarl escape her lips.

You decide to be brave and look into the eyes of the man who hates you so, but when your eyes connect with his, it seems the world has stopped and only you two are remaining there. Suddenly the urge to be near him and close to him becomes overwhelming and you stretch your little arms out to him and his eyes quickly turn into something else, fear. This man fears you and you don't know why.

And he runs; he was also running from you.

He was always afraid of you.

* * *

You find yourself lying on the cool grass holding his hand taking every moment in because you know daddy will be here soon and you'll have to leave. But the burning in your throat keeps telling your body otherwise. You ignore the burn and lay a little longer, but when the urge to bite him starts to become overwhelming, you see you need to hunt now.

"Jake, I'm hungry. Can we go eat?" You say with rolling on your side.

A smile plays up his lips and his face lights up as a small laugh escapes his mouth.

"Sure Nessie, you want a burger or something?" He says while facing you.

For some odd reason the question makes you gulp on the inside and suddenly you're ashamed and don't know why. Drinking blood was something everyone did, so why would this feel so wrong somehow. So you pull your gaze up to his eyes and speak softly.

"Not that kind of food, Jacob." You say whisperingly.

For a moment you see his face fall and you see the disappointment running in his eyes. This moment was perfect until your burning desire for blood got in the way again. But he quickly changes his demeanor and smiles at you before getting up.

"Alright then little Nessie! Let's get you some good old blood!" He says as he holds out his hand to you.

You grab his hand and he pulls you up and you both race each other into the woods. Your little dress is flying and somehow you've managed to keep your crown of flowers on your head. After all, he made it for you saying you were his princess forever. Your little body is running as fast as it can and he is barely keeping up with you in his wolf form. You turn your head to face him as you run and laugh tilting your head back laughing. In this moment you're forgetting about everything that made you upset before. Suddenly your nostrils are filled with a sweet smell and before you even realize what you are doing, your teeth are lunged into the flesh of an animal and blood is pouring in your mouth. You are not being careful and you know that the animal's blood is probably getting all over your pretty white dress. You gracefully stand up and see the dead animal at your feet. You hear Jacob walking behind you and you know he must have phased back to being human.

When you turn around to face him, he stares at you wide eyed and when you reach out to take his hand he flinches and walks away, turning his back on you. You feel your six year old body collapse to the ground in devastation. You look at your hands and dress and they are covered in blood.

He was always afraid of you.

* * *

There's just something about the way he looks at you that makes you stomach unravel and your breathing hitch. There have always been boys, but you have only eyes for one person and one person alone. Your heart is racing and you are not sure why. You have hung out with him millions of times before but now it is just different. You look at him different, and you swear that there are times, very few, but times he's looks at you differently as well.

You run to your mirror and check your outfit. There is not much to work with because you are just going to the beach with him but you still want to look the best you can. You have shorts on and a loose top where it is partly off one shoulder. Your bikini is modest enough, after all Edward Cullen is your father, but also revealing enough. Your hair is flowing down in soft curls that have darkened over the years and technically you're only seven but your body is somewhere around sixteen.

"Renessmee! Jacob's here!" your mother calls out.

You take a deep breath while still looking in the mirror before muttering-

"Not going to get much better than this," and bolt down the stairs.

When you see Jacob standing there without a shirt on and all his glory you scream his name like a silly child and jump into arms. He laughs soundly and spins you around some. Your heart is soaring and the butterflies in your stomach are multiplying and you know what you are feeling is something called love.

You have always loved Jacob; just now your love is evolving into something else, something more.

He puts you down and gives you that classic goofy grin he always gives you and you feel your cheeks flush somewhat to your embarrassment.

"Seriously Jacob, is it _that _impossible to wear a shirt?" Your father asks sarcastically while shaking his head.

"Sorry pops, I forget how this body makes you jealous." Jacob replies with fake bravado.

"Yeah, my insecurity is so evident right now." Your father replies with a laugh. "Just don't bring her home broken, or I'll break that 'hot body' of yours in a heartbeat dog." He finishes as he ushers both of you out the door.

Jacob and you laugh as you both get to his truck. He turns the radio up and you dance like a total idiot making him laugh even harder. When you reach the beach, you jump out claiming he can't catch you. Immediately you hear him sprinting behind you and your speed increases but soon find his warm hands grab your waist behind you wind up taking both of you down in the sand. Both of you roll on the sandy beach and his body hovers over you. If this were a movie, this would be the part where he kisses you.

But this isn't a movie so he rolls off you while laughing lying beside you. Your heart clenches in your chest at his indifference. To him it wasn't even awkward, just normal; like two friends acting stupid. But you roll it off and the two of you talk and play in the water for what seems like hours. You see Leah walk your way and don't miss the flicker of lights come across his eyes when he sees her.

Leah is absolutely breathtaking with her warm skin tone and long black hair. She walks up and says something snarky but you can't even hear because the next thing you see is him running and chasing her. When he finally catches her he tries to kiss her cheek while she's screeching and you feel your heart literally ripping in two. For once you see something in him you've been waiting it seems your whole life for, love. Unfortunately it's just not directed to you. They say it's impossible for two best friends of the opposite sex to be that close without one or both wanting more. Guess you find you're the one.

Leah eventually leaves and he calls to you to take you home. You try to act like nothing's wrong, but you feel like you are dying on the inside. Then you hear the one sentence that might as well have stabbed the stake through your heart.

"I love her like my sister, but I'm not in love with her Leah. She might be my imprint, but she's half vampire for god's sake! It will always be you!" He says as he caresses her cheek.

And now you feel your entire body go limp and it seems the world is ending. He could never love you the way you love him. He can never see you the way you see him, because your half vampire.

He was always afraid of you.

* * *

The sick laughing is heard above you, and now you wish you hadn't left home after the whole ordeal with Jacob. The name now floats in your mind and suddenly dying doesn't sound so bad, living without him is worse than death, but living with him knowing he loves another is also just as bad. So you just lie there on the hard floor of the Cullen home. The whole family is gone for winter break and you haven't seen them in almost five years.

The pain is excruciating as you feel the devil himself cut your abdomen open while laughing that sick laugh. He's already taken you in the worst way possible. Your innocence is gone, your virginity is gone. Everything is gone. You don't cry, you don't beg and somehow you feel your now bleeding, faltering heart becoming ice cold. Now your intestines are being pulled from your body and he's holding and daggling it in front of your face as he continues to rip your body organs from your body.

The blood is everywhere violating your senses and you know there is no way you can be saved from this. The damage is just too much. You wonder how you were always scaring Jacob with you being a vampire when this could be done to you. Your mind is going out but the laughing demon has left you bleeding out on the floor and you are ready to die. But something catches your eye, something that starts changing your mind.

Carlisle's case. The case filled with his venom. Somehow you crawl over there with more of your organs starting to fall from your body, the pain is almost surreal but you take that case filled with shots and plunge it straight into your heart. Suddenly you now want to become the very thing you precious Jacob is afraid of.

You want revenge.

* * *

You hunt down the man who did this to you, the man who turned you into a monster. And you realize you no longer have to touch him, but tortured him in his mind making him feel exactly what he did to you. You've become Jane. And now you start to wonder if this is part of the reason of her demonization. Maybe someone turned her into a monster as well.

You could kill him but that would be too easy, so you just leave him there and keep him tortured in the back of your mind in the forest slowly droning out his screams of agony knowing you have forever till he goes out of his mind from the pain.

You go back to the house and realize the Cullen's are back and the apparently the Volturi are with them. There is lots of screaming and you realize that your blood is still all over the floor way along with your intestines sprawled out as well. They think your dead, and they're right. You are dead.

You run over there in vampire speed and see your mother on the floor covered in your blood screaming in agony. Everyone is in total shock and you see Edward seething and you know he's out for your revenge. But the one that stands out to you the most is the man literally laying in your blood writhing in emotional pain at your death. Jacob Black.

You casually walk in still in your blood covered clothes much to your family's surprise. Your mother's eyes light up and she starts to run at you but stops when she sees you. You've changed; you are no longer the same little Nessie they once knew. Jacob is the worst. He looks up into your eyes almost as if begging silently for forgiveness. What you give him the replaying image of your death in his mind as you walk by. He is screaming in anger and then later to stop the images.

But you don't stop, you'll never stop.

You walk over to the Volturi and Jane gives you an expression that you recognize almost immediately, an understanding. You stand by her side and Alec walks over to you. You've made your choice and for once in your life you've turned into what you've always been treating like.

Someone to be afraid of.

* * *

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